that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Randomize
