party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
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as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
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