what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
