OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
