BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
