Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
