I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
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I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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