Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize