not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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