So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
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A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
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Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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