My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
