ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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