i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
