i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
