Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
