This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
