I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
