Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
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My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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