There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
