Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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