DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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