Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
