He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
