you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We have started to decorate penises.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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