I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
