So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
