can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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