he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
