he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
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Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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