ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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