I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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