yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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