I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
