i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
