No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
