And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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