I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
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