i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
