Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
