Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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