from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize