I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
