Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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