Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
