Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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