I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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