I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
