we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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