If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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