I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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