I am spending my child support on dildos
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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