CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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