apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
