i permit you to call me
Princesses don't give blow jobs
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
