Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
