He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize