I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
