The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
