dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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