I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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