Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
