I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
