Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
