i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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