I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
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I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
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Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.