My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.