Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements