Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
