I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
