i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
