did you get engaged???
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
