I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize