Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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