sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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