i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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