just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
