im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm just crazy horny about you
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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