I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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