he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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