I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
