You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
