shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
