i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
