And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
