Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
