Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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