We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
