you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
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Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
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Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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