he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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