You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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