he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
