AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
