hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
